Saturday, May 27, 2017

I'VE BEEN GONE TOO LONG...


I looked today and realized that the last time I posted anything here on my blog was March 30th.  I am so sorry.  Time has disappeared somehow while my life has been crazy, hectic and heartbreaking.






On the twelfth of April I lost my precious mom.  Some days I don't know how I'm existing without her and other days I remind myself that she is no longer suffering and that thought gets me through.  It's been tough, but I know she would not want me to stop living...so I keep plugging along, hoping for more of the fleeting moments when I can remember her with a smile on my face, and less of the moments that rip my heart to shreds.




We have had some good times, though.  Our son, J, became FORMALLY engaged to his wonderful girlfriend, G.  Her ring was on order when my mom's condition took a turn for the worse.  Fearing her sudden change in condition and wanting her to know their good news, they took a picture from the jeweler's catalog to show to mom.

In her last lucid moment my mom recognized them both, smiled from ear to ear, congratulated them and told them that the ring was "beautiful...not gaudy at all".  Amazingly, she remembered discussing some overly ornate rings that G had dismissed as ugly and mom had agreed were "gaudy"!

My mom, who for DAYS had not recognized anyone, or even spoken, gave J and G a wonderful lasting memory.  For a few short minutes, when it really mattered, she was "MomMom".  Five minutes later she retreated back into her far away world...never rallying again before she passed away.   
 
G and her adorable son have moved into our home while they save for a wedding and a place of their own.  I have found joy, and hope, in the little guy.  He is the grandson of my heart and I would give my life for his.  Just the sound of his voice calling for "Grandma" can instantly lessen my pain.  He and his mommy have saved us all.


Last week I sat in front of my sewing machine for the first time and completed this mini for my foyer.  My original plan was to add embellishments such as buttons and beads for bling, but it's a thought still caught in limbo.  I am finding it difficult to make even the smallest of decisions...so unlike my usual decisive nature.  I find my mind drifting off, a million miles away, only brought back to the present by those around me.  When, oh when, will I once again live fully in the here and now?  I guess that, too, is beyond my control at the moment.  Maybe tomorrow will be the day?


12 comments:

  1. So very, very sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family. All the best to you all. xxx Sue

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    1. Thank you, Sue. Your thoughts are very, VERY much appreciated.

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  2. So sorry for your loss. I hope that very soon you can remember all the good times with a smile.

    Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.

    God bless.

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    1. Thank you, Jackie. Losing mom has been harder than I ever could have imagined...and handling all of the logistics has locked me in this place of sorrow. I have been waiting for my life to begin again.

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  3. Hi Lin, So sorry about your Mom. But enjoy doting on that Grandson.

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    1. Thank you, Maggie! He is the joy that keeps us moving forward.

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  4. So sorry Lin. I thought something was going on when there was no updates to the blog. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Congrats to J & G. Carrie W.

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    1. Thank you so very much, Carrie. I hope to be back to posting again soon...

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  5. So sorry for your loss! Losing your mom is huge! Grief can be hard on a person. Be patient with yourself and rest. We will be here when you have things to share. =)

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    1. Amy, you are so right. I am ever the optimist, bouncing back after each and every blow. But this time? I'm lost, unable to find the strength to continue my life from where it left off. I guess I am just expecting too much, too soon.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear this Lin, prayers said for you at this sad time. We always need our Moms no matter how old we get, I remember how fondly you always spoke of her. Bless you.

    Rinty

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    1. Thank you, Rinty. The losses continue as yesterday my dad's sister passed away. My dad was so, so close to this sister. He comes from a family of seven. His youngest sister called me and asked me to break the news to dad. She was notifying our very large family but didn't want to tell my dad on the phone. So this morning I again "broke the news" to my dad, who has had way too much sorrow lately.

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